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I do not know is I have gained or lost but, I will not let it happen
again. I do not know why these thoughts occur or what it is but, something iside me has kept me moving. Now all of my
thoughts are of failure like it has been haunting me all of my life. I cannot understand it, I should but crushed right now.
I should be drowning in my own sorrow but, I feel like I just overcame an obstacle that has been a hindrance to my success
all my life.
I have lost friends before, I have lost money, I have even lost my pride
but, i have never lost the one thing I live for, and that I have taken for granted. You can live foreven in an eternal ignorant
bliss but, until you lose your principle, reason and even your own wisdom, you will never know what it is like to lose something.
I guess I was just living a lie, a dream that one day I could be something
and make a diffence, make the books. That maybe my entire life was not worthless. I used to think I was special that I held
something, that I was something important. I used to be wise, my wisdom turned into anger into a false reality. I would lie
to myself and my peers. Now it means nothing, all my efforts to were to better mankind and myself have been in vein. The truth
of doubt I have recieved is noticable now and it hurts to be wrong. it hurts to know that my whole life depended on what I
wanted to be, not what I am. What hurts the worst is knowing that the people that once looked up to, I have let down. For
that, nothing i will ever do, can or will make it up to them.
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