I tend to use comedy all of the time but, I use jokes that have some sort of truth in
them. Truth that many do not plan on comming back in that form.
Now through two years exactly to this point, I have realized that many of
these so called jokes that I make may be offensive. I am sorry and many may see this as a side effect of my accident. I try
to help it all the time and I hope you know that you all (anyone who enountered it) dealt with it very well. I have two
sides that fight back and forth while my body just sits here in confusion of it all.
I have come to realize that I am one of these tormented souls that I have spoken
about. Only half of the time though. (The othere half of the time I try to help others.) I blind others of my pain, with joy.
It is a very hard thing to recognize but my pain is there. I wish I could get rid of it but when he spoke to me he told me,
"I know what I am doing." So i must learn to accept it and use it for my advantage for the next couple years.
Through the years I have done many wrong things. Maybe those that I am talking
to would object but I am not not saying that you just turned your shoulder and ignored it. I am just saying that I have
noticed my own flaws. I am sorry.
Let me address one last topic for the moment while we were talking about pain.
There is one thing that you may not have uncovered. Late at night I tend to switch my attitude to my send side. Coincidentally,
I have usually been drinking. A problem that has been rapidly progressing but it will be ceased of April 19, 2007. For the
time being though, alchohol helps me get close to the subject of my study. The subject that shyness would rather keep my in
hidden from them.
Now everyone else might look down on my drinking because alchoholism runs through
my veins. The is one of the main reasons why I am just going to cut corners and quit. For now, that is the main way for me
to express any true feelings. Id gets rid of my nervousness. But, I must find a path around it As it is now, durring my sobriety,
I shelter my feelings.
If you have not read my zodiac, Picies, which I am is two sided. This is my real
side, realistic.
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